This Is Pretty Interesting
Monday, December 28, 2009 at 1:12PM 
Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano
(Satire) - Inside sources are suggesting this is the statement that Janet Napolitano was going to make yesterday to the press. She was reportedly talked out of it by Bush appointees who had stayed on at the Department of Homeland Security:
I wanted to take a moment to address the alleged man-caused-disaster attempt that occurred aboard the Delta Airlines flight on Christmas Day. As many of you know, our President has been working hard to build bridges to the Muslim world, and this is a major set back.
Not because of what was purported to have occurred - we don't know yet - but because Americans have once again shown their ignorance by accusing a Muslim man of being a terrorist without any facts whatsoever.
Let's consider what we know:
- Did the plane blow-up? No
- Did he scream any well-known Muslim phrases during the alleged act? No
- Does he seem nice? Yes
- Did he accidentally spill a mixture of religious oils and powders on his underwear? Yes
- Did he accidentally set himself on fire trying to fix his laptop? Yes
With this being the case, how can any right-minded American suggest this seemingly gentle soul could have tried to create a man-caused-disaster? Based on my earlier reasoning, it's absurd on its face to suggest so. Furthermore, even on the remote chance that he is found guilty on some technicality, aren't those who were flying on the green-house-gas-emitting-jet equally guilty in their own right of crimes against the environment? Isn't the environment bigger than a few hundred people?
During this holiday season, Americans need to remember what is most important to them. Things like equality, fairness, multiculturalism, government, global warming and health care.
This country needs to wake up, get its priorities straight and stop making up these fanciful slights by Muslims against the American public.
It's an absolute outrage!
Reader Comments (8)
I wonder how close to reality that really is? Seriously.
Yeah, that's about how I imagine their twisted minds working.
Would it really surprise anyone if these were her actual words, Dear Leader would expect
this type of sentiment from his cronies....All this hate America is right up his socialist realism,(not the word i really wanted to use), I just hope no more American lives are lost due to this type of propaganda spewed by his administration of kookooroo idiots....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a Liberals house there is no place to spit but in her face.....
If I had to bet, I'd say this is probably what they think - give or take a word or two. They really don't like this country and view us as the problem. Amazing they get elected isn't it.
Hey Dawg, he made things worse with his comments today. Basically calling for calm until they can investigate. How about turn this guy over to the military and let them crack some information out of him? As it stands, he's going to lawyer up and we won't learn anything about potential future attacks.
Typically disappointing.
This is dead spot on. I've sent this to everyone on my email list. Great site.
This is going to blow up on these idiots. Media can only cover so much.
Keep it up Janet.